Ruined
by HeIsTheSunAndITheMoon
Summary: 16 year old, Rose Hathaway's life was ruined not so long ago. After a year of being gone, and after an incident, she's back at St.Vladimir's. She get's a mentor,in hope of helping her get her life back, will he be able to fix her?
1. Prologue

**Summary: 16 year old Hathaway get's transferred back to St. Vladimir's after being gone for a whole year.**

**She's had a hard time during her one year gone, she has secrets, secrets that are killing her.**

**In a wheel chair after the accident that killed Lissa's parents, and forever scarred after being abused.**

**She's assigned a mentor: Dimitri Belikov... Can he help her?**

**Or will Rose shut him off?**

**A twist to the 1st book: the car crash happened, Lissa brought Rose back, but they all know about Spirit.**

**They didn't run away, instead Rose was sent to St. Basil's ;) where she was in another car crash that lead to her... abuse.**

**Enjoy**

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**Prologue:**

**People always say that you have to learn to let go.**

**That things always happen for a reason.**

**That eventually things get better.**

**And that you can make the pain go away.**

**I say otherwise.**

**I can't stand this pain, and I certainly can't make it go away.**

**What do you do when you scream for help, but no one hears you?  
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**And I, instead of letting go, I'm trying to hold on. Hold on to memories, and to my life a life that was ruined, but that's only a thread. **

**I know I'm slipping off the edge.**

**I used to be outgoing and happy, a party girl.**

**Unfortunately that girl died, and instead there's me.**

**A useless girl, that needs the help of someone to move around.**

**A girl that can't fend for herself.**

**That can't be independent.**

**After all this time, I keep asking myself one thing: How could this happen to me?**

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**So new story! Lol.**

**It just popped into my head...**

**This is just the beginning, I really don't know where this story is headed, but I'm sure I'll have an epiphany or something.**

**Review :)**


	2. Remembering

**A filler? xD **

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_**I was driving with Mason on the Civic Honda, that we had stolen from the academy. He was driving too fast for my liking, but Mason liked fast cars. **_

_**Behind us was a SUV that had been following us for a long time. I didn't tell Mason though.**_

_**"Mason, can you please slow down?" I asked him. He threw his head back and laughed.**_

_**There was a car in front of us, at first I thought we were going the opposite direction. The car's headlights were really bright.**_

_**I put my hands over my eyes. **_

_**"Rose!" I heard Mason yell. There was a loud crash, and I flew out the car, since I didn't have my seat belt. I groaned at the impact, my back felt like it was on fire.**_

_**I crawled over to Mason, he was coughing up blood.**_

_**"Oh God, Mason," I whispered. He turned his head and his blue eyes met mine.**_

_**He had on a smile on face, I didn't understand why.**_

_**"Why are you smiling?" I aske dhim.**_

_**He couched up more blood.**_

_**"Because if I die, I can die a happy man... You're the last person I'll see," he answered. I felt wetness in my cheeks.**_

_**"You're not going to die!" I screamed. His eyes were closing, and in the distance I heard the sound of the cops and ambulances.**_

_**"They're coming Mase," I told him as I brushed his hair. He coughed up more blood and tried speaking.**_

_**"Sshh, baby, they're coming," more tears streaked my eyes.**_

_**I tried getting up, but my legs weren't working. In fact I couldn't feel them.**_

_**Mason closed his eyes for the last time. A smile on his face.**_

_**I screamed into the night. I heard footsteps not too far away.**_

_**I turned my body around, and faced two men.**_

_**"Who are you?" I asked, still crying.**_

_**They bashed my head with something and the rest...**_

_**The rest was pure torture.**_


	3. I Don't Want To Be Me Anymore

**The smell of melted iron overwhelmed me, the feeling of his dirty hands all over my body disgusted me.**

**I felt him all around me, smelled him all around me.**

**I felt him suffocate me.**

**I heard him say, "My little Rosie, aren't you just beautiful?" **

**Far away I heard Lissa beg me to wake up.**

**Pain shot through ever fiber of my being.**

**I shot up from my wheel chair gasping for air, and sweating. I put a hand over my heart, breathing in and out.**

**"Are you okay Miss Hathaway?" a soft, accented voice asked. I turned my head and met a pair of chocolate brown eyes.**

**I swallowed hard, "Yes, I'm fine." **

**He gave me a once over, nodded, and walked back to his seat. He was a tall man 6'7, 6'8, shoulder length hair, tied at the back of his neck, and a duster.**

**He seemed young for a guardian, in his mid twenties, maybe. **

**When we arrived at the academy, it was him that wheeled me to Kirova's office.**

**I felt around the bond, looking for my best friend, and Moroi, Lissa Dragomir, the last of her line. I felt her excitement, and knew she was in the cafeteria, waiting for my arrival.**

**We were about to go through the cafeteria doors when I exclaimed, "No! Not through there, please?" the few guardians that were with us had seen me grow up, and new I never pleaded.**

**They turned their faces to the tall guardian, as if he was the leader. The man looked at me, "We'll find another way," he said. I sighed in relief. I didn't want everyone to see me like this.**

**In a wheel chair, being pushed by a guardian.**

**We went around and into Kirova's office.**

**The guardian, who's name I didn't know, because I hadn't been listening wheeled me in, and placed me in front of her desk. **

**I looked around and met Alberta Petrov's eyes,a guardian her who had watched me grow up. She looked at me with sympathy, something I hated, so I looked away.**

**And found myself staring into my mother's eyes.**

**Guardian Hathaway, a well known guardian, and a kick-ass one.**

**Too bad I wasn't going to be a guardian. I bowed my head in shame. The Hathaway name wouldn't be able to survive, thanks to me.**

**"Miss Hathaway," my head snapped up.**

**"Welcome back," her voice was rather soft, something unexpected in Kirova. She hated kids and she hated me. I had been quite the trouble maker. **

**I focused on the window behind her so I wouldn't have to look at the pity in her eyes.**

**"Since you can't-" she seemed at lost for words.**

**I snorted. "Since I'm a cripple, go on," I said flatly and I saw all the guardians flinch, including my mother.**

**Kirova cleared her throat, "You will be having a mentor, that will teach you the basics and help you," she said.**

**I nodded my head along.**

**"You're mentor from here on out is Guardian Dimitri Belikov, and the princess' sanctioned guardian,****" she said pointing at the tall guardian from the airplane. I knew he wasn't American. **

**"You got cheap foreign labor to protect Lissa?"**

**No one said anything. That was mean of me, it's not like I was a full American.**

**My mom was from Scotland, and I once heard my dad was from Turkey.**

****He nodded at Kirova and his eyes then focused on me, "Pleasure to meet you," I tilted my head to the side. He was... kind. After my words he came up with this, I resisted the urge to roll my eyes.****

**I tried to place his accent somewhere, when he said, "It's Russian," as if he had heard my thoughts. I nodded and looked away from him.**

**"So, mommy dearest, what are you doing here?" I faced and asked Janine Hathaway.**

**"I will be spending some time here, to make sure you recover."**

**I snorted again, "Trying to play the role of mom Janine? Doesn't really suit you," I said.**

**My mother took a look at me, "I'm not here to fight with you Rose."**

**She took a step closer and bent down.**

**I moved away from her.**

**"Don't touch me," I hissed. She got up and moved away from me.**

**Hurt flashed through her eyes, "I'm sorry," she said.**

**I looked down and stared at my lap.**

**My emotions were a roller coaster. I felt anger, hatred, hurt, embarrassment, and shame.**

**All from me.**

**I looked up and met Dimitri's eyes.**

**He had on a guardian mask, but his eyes betrayed him.**

**They were soft.**

**I pushed myself out of the room, making my way to my dorm.**

**Dimitri followed me. He was silent the whole way there.**

**He opened the door for me.**

**"Your stuff were brought here. The Princess will want to see you," he said.**

**I nodded.**

**"Can you tell her where I am please?" he nodded and left the room.**

**I made my way towards the window and looked outside.**

**I saw a few Moroi and Dhampir messing around.**

**I felt jealousy spread through my whole body.**

**They had legs they could use, they didn't depend on anyone.**

**The Dhampirs would become guardians and fight Strigoi, they could defend the Moroi.**

**But not me.**

**Not anymore.**

**Thanks to him.**

**I closed my eyes to steady my breathing, but unwanted images flashed through my eyes.**

**I felt the tears build up behind my eyes, but I forced myself to swallow them.**

**I gripped the arms of the chair tighter, making my knuckles go white.**

**"Rose!" I jumped out of my skin.**

**My heart went crazy, beating hard against my ribs. I felt fear before anything else.**

**I couldn't help it.**

**The beatings I took, the abuse, the pain... I was sensitive.**

**"It's only me," I turned my wheel chair around and faced Lissa.**

**Her voice and face were soft, I immediately felt stupid.**

**My face flushed with embarrassment as I saw that she wasn't alone. Behind her were Christian, her boyfriend, Dimitri, my mother, Alberta, and Eddie. My eyes focused on him.**

**Oh Eddie.**

**Seeing him made my heart swell.**

**He was Mason's best friend.**

**Mason, I felt tiny razors of pain shot through my body, at the thought of his name.**

**I forced myself to look away from him, "Sorry, just a little jumpy," I told her meekly.**

**She didn't buy it, but nodded her head anyways.**

**She took a step forward, when she saw I didn't attack her, she hugged me.**

**I held her tight, "I missed you," she whispered.**

**I swallowed back more tears.**

**"Me too Liss."**

**She let go of me and looked into my eyes.**

**"How are you?" she asked me. I looked away from them.**

**Suddenly I didn't feel so comfortable,I felt all of their eyes on me.**

**"Um, fine," I said giving her a smile.**

**"Its nice to have you back Rose," whispered Eddie.**

**I couldn't make myself to look at him.**

**"You were missed... of course not by me," joked Christian.**

**I rolled my eyes and threw a pillow at him.**

**He laughed and threw it back at me.**

**I flinched away. Dimitri caught the pillow before it hit me.**

**I looked away from all of them.**

**"You know you missed me Pyro, but I want some alone time..." they caught on.**

**I heard the shuffling of their feet.**

**Lissa hugged me and they all said their goodbyes.**

**They left me alone in my room.**

**I moved myself from the chair to my bed, the moment my head hit the pillow the tears came.**

**I felt out of place here. Like I didn't belong here anymore, there were so many memories. And I felt embarrassed and stupid. I was so afraid of everything and everyone. So traumatized, I was afraid of a pillow.**

**I laughed at the silliness of that.**

**I wanted to go back so badly, to how I was before, to how things were.**

**I didn't want to be me anymore.**

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**Review :)**


	4. Abe

**I couldn't sleep at all, therefore I didn't sleep my first night back.**

**I was afraid of closing my eyes and seeing and feeling all over again his hands roaming my body.**

**I shook those thoughts away.**

** My alarmed went off at 5.**

**I sat up and brought my chair closer. I steadied myself and sat myself on the chair. I made my way to the bathroom. I opened the shower curtain.**

**I sat myself on the chair there and took a shower.**

**Forty-five minutes later I was ready to go.**

**I grabbed my stuff and wheeled myself out of the room.**

**I was walking down the room, ignoring the looks I was receiving. I saw Dimitri come in, as he made himself over to me.**

**"Breakfast?" he asked me.**

**"No, I'm running late," I said. He didn't say anything and we made our way to Stan's class.**

**We stopped in front of the doors, "Ready?" he asked me.**

**I took in a deep breath.**

**"Yes," I answered he opened the doors, and I made my way in.**

**Everyone turned to look at me. Stan was facing the board.**

**"Nice of you to join us-" he stopped mid sentence when he turned around and saw it was me.**

**"Miss. Hathaway, nice to have you back," he said in a neutral voice.**

**"Take a seat," he said with a small smirk.**

**A few kids snickered. I glared at him, there was no way I was going to let this bastard make me cry.**

**I felt Dimitri stiffen behind me.**

**I pushed my self forward and ended up next to Eddie.**

**I gripped the arms of my chair tight. I felt a hand over mine, and turned to face Eddie. I swallowed, this was the first kind of contact with anyone.**

**I slipped my hand away from his and placed it on my lap.**

**It was time for lunch when Dimitri told me, "You can take the rest of the day off," his voice was soft.**

**I didn't answer and met up with Lissa at the cafeteria.**

**Except I saw an extra blonde head.**

**"Sydney?" I asked.**

**She turned around and faced me.**

**She skipped over to me and stood before me. She was an alchemist hired to help me... It was weird but I didn't question it.**

**"Hi!" she practically squealed.**

**I didn't think she was going to come here.**

**She kinda had a thing for us, 'creatures of the night', she hugged me tight. She was the one that I really trusted and let in to my 'bubble'.**

**Her eyes wandered over to Dimitri. She checked him! I raised an eyebrow and checked him out myself.**

**Okay... I saw why a lot of girls swooned over him.**

**"Syd?" I took her out of her trance. She blushed a bright red.**

**"What are you doing?" **

**She rolled her eyes.**

**"He said I had to be with you," she said. 'He' was her boss... I still had to find out who he was.**

**"So I'll have a roommate?" she nodded.**

**"I had to beg... They wanted me to have my own room... but with all the, well you know," she said. I nodded.**

**"How was your day?" I asked Lissa.**

**"It was normal, yours?"**

**"Stares, a lot of stares," I said frowning.**

**"It'll ware off, you'll see," she said with a bright smile.**

**"I sure hope so," I said picking at my food.**

**"Aren't you going to eat that?" Christian said pointing at my tray with his fork.**

**Everyone at the table turned to look at me.**

**"Uh- yeah," I answered.**

**I took a huge bite of my pizza and tried really hard not to barf.**

**I munched it, "Mmmm. Delicious," I said.**

**"Drop it," Sydney snapped.**

**I rolled my eyes and covered my mouth with my hand.**

**I closed my eyes and swallowed.**

**"Yuck," I muttered.**

**"C'mon," Sydney motioned for me to get up along with her... To go with her.**

**"What?" I asked her.**

**"I'm not going to bother and make you eat," she said. I felt confusion through the bond.**

**"So, you're helping me unpack," she finished.**

**"Great," I mumbled.**

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**It'd been a few weeks, but I still wasn't used to being here.**

**A routine developed between me and Dimitri, he would come and pick me and Syd up in the morning. He would teach me how to protect myself, even in a wheel chair.**

**The stares diminished a little; the night mares continued. Sometimes Sydney woke me up, but they were worst combined with Lissa's.**

**I was facing the window when someone knocked.**

**Sydney opened the door and I was hit with the smell of aftershave.**

**"Oh-hi," she mumbled.**

**"Can I come in?" he asked.**

**"Uh, sure," I turned myself around.**

**"What is it?" I asked.**

**"Your mom wishes to see you," he said.**

**I sighed.**

**"Fine, take me there?" I asked. He nodded and pushed me. We left Sydney behind.**

**We arrived at Kirova's office.**

**We went in and he placed me in front of the desk, then he took his place against the wall with Alberta. My mom and Kirova were there along with a man.**

**He was wearing a black tuxedo... he looked dangerous.**

**"Rose meet Ibrahim Mazur, better known as Abe," my mother said gesturing to the man.**

**Ibrahim? It sounded familiar.**

**It took me longer than necessary to realize who he was.**

**My father.**

**A growl emanated from my chest.**

**"What are you doing here?" I hissed.**

**"Rosemarie Hathaway!" my mother yelled.**

**I didn't stop glaring at him. He seemed amused.**

**"Rose," he started. He took a step forward and I couldn't help the fear that took over.**

**"Stay away," I hissed again.**

**"I am sorry for never being in your life but-," he started saying until I interrupted him.**

**"So tell me _dad_," the word 'dad' was dripped with distaste. **

**"Where were you when I was in the car crash that killed me? Or in the other where I lost my best friend?" I asked.**

**"Or when I was kidnapped?" he didn't say anything so I kept going.**

**"Or when I was raped and tortured repeatedly for a whole month?" he flinched.**

**"Or-or," the tears were about to overwhelm me I couldn't even bring myself to finish the sentence.**

**"I don't want you nor need you in my life," I said.**

**"Rose please?" my mother pleaded.**

**I gave her a dry laugh.**

**"No," I said.**

**"Rose if you would just give me a-."**

**"No see, I hate you. You did this. You weren't there when I begged them for mercy... You weren't there to help me when it was all your fault. I had to pay for your mistakes," I snapped.**

**He flinched again.**

**"You ruined my life!" I yelled.**

**"I'm stuck here in a wheel chair," maybe that wasn't his fault...**

**"I don't want you anywhere near me," I told him.**

**"Rosemarie!" my mother exclaimed.**

**I could see the anger in her eyes.**

**"You weren't there either! You didn't hear what he told me, tell him Abe how all of this is your fault. But it doesn't matter to you does it? Like always you'll throw me away," I said coldly.**

**She had tears in her eyes.**

**She made me a movement to touch me. She placed her hand on my thigh and when I moved she rubbed it.**

**I screeched.**

**"Don't touch me! Get your filthy hands off me!" I swatted her hands away.**

**I was swatting my hands all around like crazy.**

**I couldn't help it, my fear took over. And I felt his hands all around me again.**

**I felt someone shake me. I slapped their hands away, and they grabbed my wrists.**

**"Shh, you're not there," he whispered.**

**"Don't touch me you sick bastard!" I screeched again.**

**"Look at me," he commanded.**

**"NO," I answered. He grabbed my chin and made me face him.**

**Instead of meeting a pair of pale blue eyes, I met a pair of brown, warm eyes.**

**"See?" he asked me.**

**His voice, much like his eyes were frantic.**

**I swallowed and closed my eyes.**

**"Take me to my room," I whispered.**

**I'd let my memories take over me.**

**He stared into my eyes.**

**"Alright," he said getting up. No one said anything as we left.**

**He took me to my room, but Sydney wasn't there.**

**As he was leaving I said, "Wait! Don't... Don't leave me alone? Sydney isn't here," he seemed to understand I was afraid.**

**He sat on the other bed and stared at me.**

**I went to sleep staring into his brown eyes.**

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**Dimitri and Rose moments coming soon ;D review :)**

**Reviews keep me updating... Just saying.**

**I bet some of you as writers know how important reviews are...**

**So:**

**Review!**

**Or I don't update until I get enough reviews ;D**


	5. Always In The Darkness

**A/N: About Abe... Answers are in the future chapters :)**

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**I woke up gasping for air like I did every other night. I looked at my watch, I had four hours left, but I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to sleep.**

**I sighed and leaned back into my pillow.**

**I felt the tears coming.**

**I've made my mistakes, but why me?**

**Life was fucked up: we were hit by a drunk driver and he walked away, while Mason died and I was stuck in a wheel chair. And thanks to that accident I was kidnapped.**

**I walked out, not literally of course, with physical and mental scars.**

**I covered my mouth with my hand to quiet down the sobs that took over.**

**One thing I didn't understand why was Abe here? Now?**

**God, this was all his fault.**

**I cleared my mind trying not to think and spend the next few hours staring at the white wall in front of me until it was time to go.**

**Dimitri came early, and I remembered I fell asleep staring into his eyes.**

**Now I felt kinda stupid.**

**As he pushed me towards the gym, there was awkward silence. Sydney took her normal spot in the bleachers.**

**Dimitri moved me in front of the punching bag.**

**"Punch it," he said.**

**I still wasn't so fond of 'training'.**

**What was the point?**

**I would die either way.**

**I punched it, he had me doing that but at a point he said, "Harder Rose, you're not getting anywhere," he was right.**

**I sighed and concentrated.**

**I imagined the punching bag as someone with dirty blonder hair, and pale, light, blue eyes.**

**I felt anger and hatred surface.**

**I punched it harder then I thought because I felt pain surge through my hand, but I continued nonetheless.**

**"Enough," Dimitri ordered in a harsh tone.**

**Sydney was behind him, which meant he'd probably been calling at me for a while.**

**I settled my hands on my lap and breathed in and out.**

**"Sorry," I said breathless.**

**Sydney sank to her knees. I saw the worry in her eyes.**

**"Maybe you shouldn't practice for a while?" she said it more like a question, directed towards Dimitri.**

**His warm brown eyes searched my face.**

**My cheeks heated.**

**In the short time I'd known Dimitri I knew he was different.**

**He nodded and walked out.**

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**Later on that night, he stopped by my room. I let him in and he sat in the opposite bed.**

**"About today," I started, but he interrupted.**

**"Its okay... You let your emotions take over," he said.**

**I nodded.**

**"Who did you imagine?" he asked me.**

**I looked away from him.**

**"You don't have to tell me," he said softly.**

**"Okay," I answered.**

**"Who's Mason?" he asked.**

**I whipped my head around.**

**"Where'd you hear his name?"**

**"When I was here and watched you sleep, you kept saying his name and saying you were sorry," he said.**

**"Oh," was my brilliant answer.**

**He looked at me, giving me an encouraging look.**

**"My friend he died... It was my fault," I whispered.**

**He didn't say anything.**

**"I'm sure it wasn't your fault," he said after a while.**

**I snorted, "You don't know what happened." I snapped. So far he was the only one who didn't react to my mood swings.**

**I saw him shake his head.**

**"What are you doing here? At the academy, I mean," I asked suddenly.**

**"My charge died," he said. I detected a hint of sadness in his voice.**

**"On your watch?" I asked.**

**"No, I was on vacation," he whispered.**

**"What was his name?" I couldn't help to ask.**

**"Ivan Zeklos," he whispered.**

**There was a moment of silence.**

**I put my hand over his.**

**He looked up and whiped away tears I didn't know were there.**

**He wrapped his arms around me, and carried me to my bed.**

**He ran a hand through my hair and muttered in Russian.**

**"Shh," its okay. I rested my head on his shoulder.**

**I felt sleep take over me. I fell asleep in his arms, where I felt safe.**

**But when I woke up the other day he wasn't there.**

**I realized two things that day.**

**One: I didn't have any nightmares; in fact I had the best sleep in over a year.**

**Two: The one that scared me the most.**

**I felt myself falling for Dimitri Belikov.**

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**Today marked my sixth month here and the last day before summer vacation.**

**Sydney was gone for a while and everything had resumed to normal. Both my parents were gone, thank god.**

**Sydney and Lissa had become my rock through it all, but I wasn't training anymore, thanks to my stupidness.**

**I'd kissed Dimitri.**

**Yeah, I know.**

**I'd been here at the academy for 4 months now, and I was back to training.**

_**Flashback:**_

_**You hurt everyday don't you?" I asked him.**_

_**He turned around fast, "What?" he asked in disbelief.**_

_**"You hurt every day over Ivan's death and you blame your self," he didn't answer.**_

_**He'd told me about Ivan a few weeks back, when I said it was my fault Mason was dead, though I didn't explain why, or how.**_

_**"You don't know anything," he snapped. His words hurt, but I didn't let him know that.**_

_**Instead I wheeled myself so that I was in front of him, he was kneeling down, and he was still taller then me. Unbelievable. **_

_**I placed my hand on his cheek, and he leaned into it. Over the few months I felt myself feeling more for him.**_

_**It was stupid but I couldn't help it.**_

_**He leaned in at the same I did. Our forehead touching, and both breathing fast.**_

_**Sydney wasn't here, she had to talk to her boss.**_

_**I leaned in closer and pressed my lips against kissed back, but after a few seconds I felt him stiffen, and stop reacting.**_

_**I kept kissing him nonetheless. With him I felt safe, and all memories gone... It was just me and him.**_

_**He pulled away.**_

**_"What are you doing?" he demanded._**

**_"I-I," I couldn't come up with a complete sentence. He'd been responsive at first..._**

**_"Nothing but a student and teacher relationship is here Rose, I don't want you like that," his words had felt like stabs to my heart._**

**_He didn't let me answer and walked away._**

**_I knew he wouldn't want me... I was a cripple, I'd been stupid to believe anything was going on._**

**_Later on he let me know practices were canceled until further notice._**

**_Something inside of me died that day._**

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**I pushed myself towards the cafeteria since Syd nor Dimitri were here.**

**"Aren't you excited?" exclaimed Lissa.**

**"About?" I asked taking a bite of my doughnut.**

**"Summer!" she exclaimed, once again.**

**"Oh," I answered. She rolled her eyes.**

**"C'mon! It'll be fun, we're going to my parents beach house," I felt sadness and excitement.**

**She missed her parents so much, I don't know how she'll make it at their beach house.**

**Christian linked an arm around her shoulders, and I knew if Christian was there then she'd be fine.**

**"My aunt's going to be there too," Christian said with excitement. Something weird on him.**

**They kept on talking along with Eddie, but I tuned them out. The day passed by quickly and soon it was time for bed.**

**We'd be leaving for California in a week. So I still had a week to pack.**

**I turned my lap on as I settled in for bed.**

**Since no one was here I felt afraid. Lissa had wanted to stay over but I said it wasn't necessary.**

**I had to learn to sleep by myself.**

**I didn't go to sleep that night, whenever I closed my eyes I felt fear take over.**

**If only Dimitri was here.**

**But like always, I'd fucked up things.**

**I cried most of the night, trying hard not to cut myself.**

**Having Lissa's emotions was hard on me. I got myself pulled into her head. And good enough she was with Christian... Having sex. I felt disgusted. I pulled myself with great effort and felt jealousy.**

**She had a normal life, but no, not me.**

**I was the fucked up one.**

**I threw the lamp across the room.**

**So I spent the whole night in darkness.**

**Nothing new to me.**

**I was always in the darkness.**

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**It's not moving too fast is it? Lol.**

**Are the chapters long enough? **

**Review :)**


	6. Murderer

_**A/N: This chapter contains rape and torture and mature language. **_

_**Lol that was funny xD**_

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**We were outside the dorms the next day. Lissa, Christian, and Eddie, were sitting on the bench, with Dimitri sitting on the other side.**

**"How was your night?" Lissa asked cheerfully. The lack of sleep and food made me moody.**

**"Oh, it was fine," I said with fake cheerfulness.**

**"Especially because I had to witness you and Christian having sex," I snapped.**

**She blushed, "I," she seemed at loss for words.**

**"You don't think I have enough with my own emotions and dreams... I have to deal with you and your sex life," I continued.**

**I felt surprise and sadness through the bond.**

**But I didn't care.**

**"Hey, leave her alone," snapped Christian.**

**I didn't say anything for a few seconds.**

**"Try to lower it... If you can. I can't sleep enough as it is, I don't need you helping the cause," I said in a monotone voice.**

**I turned myself around and wheeled myself towards my room.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**"That was harsh," Dimitri said as he came into my room.**

**"Life's harsh," I snapped.**

**"You didn't need to snap at her," he said.**

**I rolled my eyes.**

**"You don't know anything," I snapped again.**

**"I do know something though," he said.**

**"And what's that?" I asked him.**

**"That you're nothing but an immature child, which is why nothing could ever go on between us," he said in a dry, serious tone.**

**Ouch.**

**I flinched.**

**His words hurt more than a punch. He seemed to realize what'd he said.**

**"Get out," I growled.**

**He seemed indecisive, but left.**

**I waited until he left, to let the tears fall.**

**I didn't understand why his words hurt so much.**

**A little voice inside my head said: 'because you love him'.**

**It was true.**

**In the last 6 months he was the only man I let it my bubble. The only one I felt safe around.**

**He'd console me at all times, not asking for anything in return.**

**He'd begged me millions of times to tell him what had happened to me.**

**And I was ready to tell him.**

**I was ready to let him in... But his words today made me realize I couldn't trust anyone but myself. **

**I felt bad for what I had said to Lissa, so I sent her a quick text. She forgave me, but that didn't make me feel any better.**

**I looked through my drawers for a blade I had taken away from Lissa.**

**She had cut herself many times before, and today I was going to try it out myself.**

**I took a deep breath and slit my wrist.**

**It burned a little, but the immense relief I felt was amazing.**

**I understood why she had done it.**

**All my pain... All the pain I felt, was gone and I concentrated on the blood oozing from my wrist.**

**I did it again, once, twice...**

**Not too deep to kill myself... I didn't want to do that quite yet.**

**I wanted to wait and see what this bitch of a life had for me.**

**How much worst it could get.**

**I guess in a way I liked the pain.**

**It made everything real.**

**When I was finished I had 5 on each arm.**

**One for Mason, one for the death of Lissa's parents, one for my dad, one for my mom, and one for Dimitri.**

**I let them bleed for a moment.**

**No one understands.**

**No one knows what I go through everyday... Everyday I'm overwhelmed by memories. I'm scared of everything, I'm a paranoid person. But no one understands that what I went through was hard.**

**How do I explain to them this?**

**That it's my fault Mason died, because if only I hadn't convinced him to steal a car from the academy to take a ride.**

**If only I'd been responsible he'd been alive and I would have two perfect working legs.**

**But no, life had other plans. In the car accident, I'd flown 5 feet away from the car. In the process breaking my spine. The worst part was that I was kidnapped right after the accident.**

**My kidnappers got a doctor, but without the proper tools, he couldn't do anything; when I came back the doctors said they couldn't do anything anymore.**

**I hadn't gotten the proper treatment, and my spine got more fucked up. **

**After all I was raped countless of times...**

**That was the worst part.**

**Being raped, I felt it, but couldn't move.**

**I felt him penetrate me, but I was helpless. I couldn't even kick; that's the worst feeling in the world, along with screaming your lungs out, but no one helping you. You feel like you haven't screamed loud enough, so you try screaming louder, and louder... and louder. Or at least you think you do.**

**But no one hears you.**

**I had screamed and screamed... I had tried so hard, but there isn't much to do when you can't walk.**

**And they knew it.**

_**Flashback:**_

_**They took me outside, sat me down on a chair; I'd only been here for a week.**_

_**"Go on, leave," Israel said.**_

_**"I'm giving you a choice to run away, if you make it farther then woods I'll let you go, you have 10 minutes," he had on a smirk.**_

_**At first I didn't believe him, but then he pointed at his watch.**_

_**I was still in denial about my legs.**_

_**So, I tried getting up, but it was useless.**_

_**My legs didn't work; I fell flat on my ass.**_

_**So I did the next best thing: I crawled.**_

_**I crawled feeling the pain on my arms as I scraped them.**_

_**I tried to go faster, but I was weak from everything they'd done to me, so far.**_

_**I was close, I heard Israel and the rest laugh."Tik tok!" he yelled and laughed again. This is what they wanted. Me crawling. I heard the shuffling of feet and crawled faster. But not fast enough.**_

_**Never fast enough.**_

_**He grabbed me by the ankles.**_

_**He dragged me back, as I screamed over and over again.**_

_**He finally stopped, but only to straddled my waist. I realized what he was going to do.**_

_**I couldn't believe it at first since so far he'd only kept me handcuffed to a bed, beat me up, and tortured me. He had thrown me into a pit of needles, sown my lips together for a whole day, up until the moment I had opened my lips wide enough.**_

_**"Oh god no," I yelled. He covered my mouth and pulled my pants down.**_

_**I tried to move my legs, to squirm, but all I accomplished was to get the feeling of uselessness. I cried harder.**_

**_He took his own pants down, and I tried crawling again, he pulled me back. Jason brought him a hammer and nails._**

**_My eyes widened._**

**_He hammered my hands to the ground, the pain I felt was immense. _**

**_"Where do you think you're going?" he asked and laughed to himself._**

**_He thrust himself in me and I yelled out. I looked away from his blue eyes and focused on a tree nearby._**

**_He kept going in, entering me, over and over again. Moaning in pleasure, while I cried._**

**_At one point he had said, probably more to himself than me, "You should thank you're dad... It's his fault you're here. if only he hadn't done what he had done..." he didn't say anything anymore, and later I learned what he had meant. _**

**_When he was satisfied he got up, "Next time collaborate. I'll be more fun," he zipped his pants up and walked away._**

**_I tried moving, but only ended hurting myself more. I felt something crack in my back as I twisted myself, trying to free myself. I gasped and screamed._**

**_My whole body hurt and burned from what he had just done to me._**

**_I cried as I realized I had been raped._**

**_End._**

**He had left me there all night, and the next day was the same as the first and the last.**

**I swallowed and tried forgetting.**

**I wrapped my wrists around with a bandage and set myself on my bed.**

**It took me along time to go to sleep, but with the help of some pills I fell asleep.**

**That night in my dreams, I heard the voice of a baby chant one sentence.**

**A sentence that broke my heart each time.**

**"_Murderer! That's what you are! A sick, vile, murderer!"_**

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**_Woot! What do you think? :)_**

**_California next chapter?_**

**_I don't know._**

**_What do you think?_**


	7. Other Plans

_**A/N: So this story won't be so long... I think. I'm already planning it out, but I really don't know how long the chapters will be.**_

**_Either way, once the story is done, I'll be making a sequel. Maybe._**

**_:) _**

**_Review._**

**_._**

**_._**

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**_._**

**My days before we left for California weren't so fun. Lissa kept apologizing, and I did forgive her, but I was still to angry to be all bff with her. Dimitri also, kept trying to apologize but every time I ignored him.**

**He'd said and done enough, I wasn't one to forgive easily. Especially after everything I've been through.**

**Trust is earned, and very fragile too. So far, no one really but Sydney had my trust.**

**I know Lissa is my best friend, bond mate, and sister, yet I couldn't help it. It was instinct not to trust anyone. **

**I loved Lissa, she was the most important person in my life, and I would give anything to protect her, but her actions from the other night made me doubt everything.**

**I always thought she was different from all the Moroi, but she knew. She knew I'd been sexually abused... So why have sex with Christian? Knowing I would see it.**

**I wasn't asking for her not to have a life or anything, but to at least wait for a while, so I could get used to the whole idea without panicking. **

**I pulled my hair up in to a messy pony tail when we landed on California. It was a hot day, yet I was wearing skinny jeans and a white long sleeve shirt.**

**I had made fresh cuts last night, after waking up from another nightmare.**

**There was a limo waiting for us to take us to the beach house. I could see Lissa sweating already. This summer was going to be hard on the Moroi.**

**We drove on silence, hip hop music in the back round.**

**We arrived at the beach house and it was just like I remembered it. So many emotions passed by.**

**"You missed it, didn't you?" Lissa asked from behind me.**

**"Yeah," I whispered.**

**This was the place I had always felt safe at, the place I could really be myself, which is why I loved it.**

**The last time we were here was before the car accident that killed Lissa's parents and me. Through the bond I felt nostalgia. **

**We walked, well I wheeled in and set our stuff down. There was now an elevator, no doubt for me.**

**"Go and get settled down," Alberta told us. Christian and Eddie had come with us too. Along with Alberta, Stan, Dimitri, and other guardians to protect the Moroi. **

**I settled myself in my room along with Lissa. At least I wouldn't be alone.**

**This had always been our room, it had a prefect view of the beach, a balcony with stairs, so you have access to the beach. It was a two floor house.**

**"I'll meet you downstairs. Christian's aunt is here," Lissa said looking down at her phone.**

**"Okay, Liss."**

**I moved myself onto the bed. I wasn't all that excited to meet Christian's aunt. I brought my Ipod out, I had recently put some new music in.**

**I had rock, rap, hip-hop, and some country. I wasn't a biased person when it came to music. But I had only began listening to country because of Dimitri.**

**I hated thinking about him all the time.**

**I slowly began drifting to sleep, listening to Evanescence. **

**I felt someone shake me, and I sat up.**

**"Hey, dinner's being served," Lissa said. She brushed my hair away and passed a towel over my forehead.**

**"You're sweating," she murmured. I closed my eyes.**

**"Yeah, I had another dream," she nodded her head. Eddie came in and moved me from my bed to my chair.**

**"Thanks," I told him. We took the elevator and we got to the living room I heard laughter.**

**I've heard it before and when we actually got there I realized who it was; Dimitri's. His laughter died when he saw me though. A tall, skinny woman, put a comforting hand on his arm. It seemed intimate, and a feeling of jealousy spread through my body.**

**The woman turned around to look at what he was looking at.**

**And I nearly gasped. She had a long scar across her cheek, she had blue eyes and jet black hair.**

**"You must be Rose," she said and gave me a warm smile.**

**"Yeah, and you are...?" I asked, not returning her smile.**

**"Tasha Ozera, Christian'a aunt," she said smiling again.**

**"Right," I muttered.**

**Dimtri narrowed his eyes at me.**

**"Chill Comrade," I snapped.**

**My phone then vibrated.**

**"Shit," it was in my back pocket. Ah fuck.**

**"Eddie, help me," I said. He raised an eyebrow at me.**

**"It's vibrating," I mumbled. He actually laughed at me.**

**And he actually threw me over his shoulder and dug into my back pocket.**

**I kept breathing in and out, trying not to panic.**

**He sat me down. **

**"Sorry," he whispered loud enough for the rest to hear.**

**I flipped my phone open.**

**"Hello?"**

**"Hey! How's it going?" Sydney said from the other side.**

**"Yeah, I miss you too," I said sarcastically.**

**"And it's... great. You do realize I just got here?" **

**"Oh right. Anyways I'll leave you to the wolves," she joked.**

**"Fine and 'kay, bye."**

**I hung up.**

**"Who was it?" demanded Dimitri.**

**I looked up.**

**"Syney if you must know... Do you want to know every time I pee too?" he rolled his eyes.**

**"I like her Dimka," Tasha told him laughing. He gave her a genuine smile.**

**Dimka?**

**Oh, wow...**

**Yeah.**

**I definitely did not like Tasha.**

**"Dinner's ready," announced Alberta.**

**We all went into the dining room, I sat next to Lissa, right across from Tasha and Dimitri.**

**Tasha whispred something in Dimitri's ear and he boomed with laughter.**

**My entrails burned. I clenched my wrist that was on top of the table. **

**"Goodness Rose! What happened to your wrist?" I snapped my head to who had spoken; Alberta. I looked down at my wrist.**

**"Oh nothing. Really," I tried convincing me, but she didn't have any of it. Dimitri shot up from the table. **

**He strode towards me and yanked my wrist up.**

**"Ow, Dimitri," I groaned.**

**He lifted up the sleeve of my white shirt. Stupid me, wearing white.**

**"What happened?" he demanded. Everyone cowered back.**

**"I told you nothing did," I repeated. **

**"Tell me what happened to you. Right. Now," his eyes darkened with anger, his grip on my wrist tightened even more.**

**"Dimitri, please let me go. You're hurting me," I pleaded. He let go of wrist and I pulled it to my chest.**

**He sank to his knees.**

**"Please tell me what happened," his voice softer now, but demanding.**

**I looked away from his eyes.**

**"I cut myself," I mumbled.**

**Nobody said anything.**

**Instead Dimitri pulled me into a hug.**

**Whenever he hugged me, I never hugged back.**

**But I missed him, and his body. It sent electrical shocks through my whole body.**

**This time, with trembling hands, I hugged him back.**

**I felt the shock through the bond.**

**Realizing where I was and who I was hugging, I pulled back.**

**I didn't meet his eyes as I wheeled myself out of the room.**

**I didn't want to get closer to him, so later he can pull away and hurt me more.**

**I've been hurt too much before, and I wasn't going to take it anymore.**

**Too bad life had other plans for me.**

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**Review and make me happy! xD**

**Not too dramatic is it?**


	8. Irrational

**Lissa came into the room shortly after.**

**"Here let me help you Rose," she said.**

**"No, don't. I don't need your help," I snapped. She took a step back and I felt the sadness through the bond. Once I was settled down in the bed I closed my eyes.**

**"I'm sorry Rose that I haven't been here for you the right way..." Lissa whispered. She thought I was asleep.**

**"Its not your fault Liss, " I whispered.**

**"Oh, I thought you were sleep," she said.**

**"I know."**

**I kept my eyes close as she walked around the room to my side of the bed. The bed creaked a little when she sat down. With a trembling hand she played with my hair. At first I was stiff, but eventually I let my body lose.**

**I fell asleep with Lissa in my bed, at one point I heard her say "I love you."**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**"Oh Dimka, you should really consider my offer," Tasha said. I stood behind the wall that separated the living room from the elevator.**

**Dimitri laughed.**

**"I'm serious Dimka, I love you and only want the best for you," her voice was sugary sweet.**

**"I love you too Tasha," his voice was soft like velvet and it pierced my heart.I made myself known by coughing.**

**"Oh, Rose," Tasha blushed while Dimitri pulled his guardian mask up.**

**"I didn't mean to over hear..."**

**"Oh its okay sweetie," her voice still sugary.**

**"What's okay aunt?" Christian came into the room with Lissa and Eddie.**

**"Nothing, don't worry," was her answer.**

**"When Rose is involve there's no way not to worry," he replied.**

**I rolled my eyes.**

**Hey Rose," Lissa started. I looked up from my lap.**

**"What is it?" she was nervous about asking me something. I pried into her mind, but she must have felt it because she blocked me.**

**"Sorry," I muttered.**

**My hands starting hurting them, so I rubbed them.**

**"Hey, I know this won't be easy... but I wanted to ask you something," Christian and Eddie looked away.**

**Oh crap.**

**"Its almost Mason's birthday," I closed my eyes at the mention of his name.**

**"Whatever you're about to say, save it," I told her and turned around.**

**"Rose please, it's the least you could do for him," Eddie pleaded.**

**I was being frustrated at the moment. My palms were hurting, my arms were too, and my head.**

**"Not now, please," I pleaded back.**

**"What's wrong?" Lissa asked getting closer. **

**"My palms hurt," I whispered. I looked down, sure enough there were the scars.**

**The scars from the nails being hammered in.**

**Her index finger traced my scar.**

**"When are you telling me?" she asked.**

**"Not now," I answered.**

**"You really need to talk about it."**

**"And I will when I'm ready," my headache was increasing by the minute.**

**"Can you shut up?" I asked. It was Tasha who kept on babling about god knows what.**

**"Rose!" Lissa reprimanded. I blocked her, since I didn't want to hear through the bond.**

**"Rose don't act like that," Dimitri said.**

**"Act like what?" I snapped.**

**"So," I knew what was coming.**

**"Don't bother finishing that sentence," I growled.**

**He narrowed his eyes at me. My head felt like it would explode... my stomach felt beyond empty. **

**This is what I get for not eating. I clenched my wrist, making my wrist bleed.**

**I bruried my head into my hands, ignoring everyone. Memories flashed through my mind.**

_**"You're father killed her! And in return I will what he values the most. You," he growled in my ear and went in deeper. I screamed out in my pain. He bashed my head against the table he had me in. He grabbed me by the neck and started choking me. I fought with arms, unable to move. **_

_**I felt so helpless.**_

_**I felt the life leave my body. **_

_**I scratched his left cheek, drawing blood. **_

_**He suddenly let go of me.**_

_**"Not yet," he said it more to himself then me.**_

_**"But for fighting me," he had on a face. A face I'd seen too. It was the face he had when he was about to break something.**_

_**He grabbed the hand I'd used to scratch his cheek, with blood in my nails. He twisted my hand, he bended it out of proportion, I felt my arm and hand burn, until I heard a pop. **_

_**At the same time my hand broke, a scream pierced through the walls of the basement. **_

_**"Oh stop, please stop," I begged. **_

_**He laughed at me, the way psychos do in the movies.**_

_**"The only person who can help is your father, but where is he?"**_

**I came back from my memories by Lissa shaking me.**

**I looked down at my hand that was once broken. **

**I tried getting up from the seat.**

**"Where- what are you doing?" Lissa asked.**

**"I have to walk, I can't stay like this!" I was being irrational. **

**But a part of me never really believed I wasn't able to walk.**

**It refused to, and it always came out when I remembered.**

**Somebody pushed me back, but I fought.**

**It felt so surreal.**

**I acting like a maniac. Probably was one.**

**"No, let me go!" I screamed. I felt a prickle on my skin, I started getting dizzy, the images blurring and immediately my world went black.**

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**Sorry for the late update... also I'm sorry if this chapter isn't good... It's sort of a filler, leading up to bigger things.**

**Review.**


	9. Little Bastard

**When I woke up, I was disoriented. I didn't remember what had happened, and that scared the shit out of me.**

**"It's fine," A voice said.**

**I turned around to face a woman in her thirties, apparently the doctor.**

**"Good, your awake," she said.**

**"What happened?" I asked. She walked towards the door and opened. She didn't answer my question and that pissed me off.**

**Then Lissa, Eddie, Christian, Dimitri, Tasha, Alberta, my mother... and my father came into the room.**

**"Rose, you are still suffering from trauma. You've had a rough year. I believe that your subconscious takes over and takes you back in to when... it all happened," her voice and face were soft.**

**Never a good sign.**

**"If you want me to talk about this the answer is: absolutely not. And if you want to send me to a rehabilitation center, so be it," my voice was neutral.**

**"But do not expect me to burden other people with my torture."**

**"Rose, please," my mother pleaded.**

**"Listen to your mother Rose," Abe said.**

**"Don't tell me what to do," I snapped.**

**"Rose," Dimitri warned.**

**"Stop Dimitri, you guys really want to know what happened?" they all nodded.**

**They wanted answers?**

**They'll receive some alright.**

**I laughed. It was a cold, lifeless laugh.**

**I looked out the window, the sun was up.**

**"He didn't do anything at first. He had sown my lips together to stop me from screaming, not that it did. He had thrown me into a pit of needles, then one day he brought me up. He said if I managed to get into the forest in a period or time he'd let me go. They only wanted to see me crawl. To see me in the dirt, fighting to escape." **

**I didn't say anything for a while. I wanted to leave it there. I didn't want to finish my story. **

**A twisted part of me wanted them to go through what I had.**

**So, I continued.**

**"I didn't make it obviously. Halfway there he came walking, I tried going faster, but I wasn't fast. Never fast enough. He dragged me back, grabbing my ankles, pulling me back, scraping my back. I was useless, I couldn't fight back. I screamed as loud as it could... But do you know what it's like to scream... To scream so loud you feel your lungs are going to explode, screaming your life out, but it's all pointless? Because no one will ever hear you or help you." **

**I kept the tears in. Pressing the button for more anesthesia. **

**I swallowed hard and didn't dare look at any one in the eye. **

**"He pulled my pants down, and we I tried to fight he had someone bring him nails and a hammer," I stopped there, out of instinct to see the scars in my palm. There was an intake of breath, and I chuckled.**

**"He raped me for the first time saying I should thank my father. When he was done he said I should collaborate next time because it would make more fun."**

**My eyes were closed but I heard the murmurs all around the circle.**

**"He raped three times a day, sometimes more. He always found new ways to torture me." I didn't want to go into detail about that.**

**"What did he do to you?" Dimitri whispered.**

**I shut my eyes tighter, willing the images to go away.**

**"What else happened Rose?" he asked.**

**"Was he a Moroi?" he kept asking more question. It was like he knew.**

**"No," I whispered. I didn't want to go further.**

**"Tell us Rose. Tell _me_," his voice was like velvet. Wrapping around me. The sound of his voice was like compulsion on me.**

**But I refused to go any further.**

**"No," I said again.**

**He grabbed my hand.**

**"Tell me Rose. Please," he was pleading. Hurt evident in his voice.**

**And that was enough to break my heart, but not enough to want me to tell him.**

**"Rose," that was Lissa's voice. **

**My heart monitor went crazy as the pictures flashed through my mind.**

_**He threw me into a pit of broken glass. The broken glass pierced my skin. I hear his laughter, and then I felt something crawling on me. But I didn't want to open my eyes.**_

_**"Open your eyes," he ordered.**_

**_I did, because I knew if I didn't the consequences would be worst. When I did I met the eyes of a snake. I screamed and tried to pull it off me._**

**New memory:**

_**I was drowning. I felt the water fill my lungs, I didn't feel lmy legs so I couldn't kick to come up to the surface.**_

_**I hated it.**_

_**There was no point in fighting it.**_

**_I was going to die drowning._**

**_It was going to end the pain, end my life. A life full of suffering, regret, and betrayal._**

**_But I didn't care, if I died, so did this thing inside of me._**

**_And that was what I wanted._**

**I wanted to kick and trash.**

**"I'm not telling you!" I screamed at his face when I opened my eyes.**

**If I couldn't trash around using my legs, then I would do it by using my hands.**

**I hit whatever came into my view.**

**"Hold her down!" somebody yelled.**

**"Let me go! Stop!" except they didn't. A pair of strong, firm, calloused hands, held me down. It was like being imprisoned by him all over again... I couldn't fight back. I couldn't get up and run.**

**All because I was a cripple.**

**Mson might have died, but at least he didn't have to a live a life like this; it wasn't even a life.**

**I felt like I was watching my own life pass me by, while I sat here, in this stupid chair.**

**I growled as I realized who it was that was holding me down and why.**

**They wanted to put me to sleep.**

**I stared into the brown eyes of Dimitri.**

**"He was a Moroi," I whispered.**

**"And he never used a condom," he went rigid and I couldn't help it.**

**I laughed.**

**"Let me go," I hissed.**

**"NO, doctor, please," the doctor took a step closer.**

**"Fine you want to know? You wana know what happened to the kid?"**

**No one said anything and the doctor towered over me, with the needle ready, in hand.**

**I felt pain through the bond and curiosity.**

**But I wasn't talking to Lissa, but to Dimitri. He wanted to know the truth? Well, it wasn't pretty.**

**"I had an abortion! I killed the little bastard inside of me!" **


	10. Didn't mean to

**No body said anything for a minutes. The doctor stood there, the needle in her hand, unable to process what I had just said.**

**"I didn't want to anything that would remind of Israel," I broke the silence.**

**"How could you Rose? A child for God's sake," Lissa had tears in her eyes. I opened up the bond, and her emotions hit me hard. My heart monitor went crazy. She was angry, upset, and disgusted with me. She was sad about what had happened to me.**

**Her biggest emotion was disgust. I couldn't even look at anyone.**

**"Be as disgusted as you wish Lissa, but I wasn't about to have a child. A child I hadn't asked for and one I did't want at the age of 15."**

**She ran out of the room, Christian following her.**

**I didn't dare look at anyone.**

**"Rose?" Alberta asked. **

**"What?" I whispered. My voice was void of any emotion.**

**"When?" I knew what she was acting.**

**"When I came back, I did everything I could. I sparred and he kicked me hard in the stomach that was all it took," I whispered.**

**"All I wanted was a normal life," I whispered.**

**"Maybe he didn't deserve to die, maybe it should have been me. But I didn't want a kid, a kid whose father had raped me countless of times. I would have called him Mason," my voice was still a whisper but it was going up.**

**"Shh," my mothers voice whispered.**

**"I didn't want a kid," I whispered, my mind clouding and my eyes tearing up.**

**"I didn't want to kill him, but I had to you know?" my voice by now had a hint of hysteria.**

**"He was only an obstacle in my life, just like that chair," I was in hysterics by now.**

**"Hold her down!" the doctor commanded.**

**"I didn't want to kill him!" I screamed. **

**"I know Roza, I know. Shh, it's alright. I understand," the medication set in, spreading through my blood, making me sleepy.**

_**"Why did you kill me mommy?" I searched for the voice in the pit of darkness.**_

_**"I loved you mommy. Do you know how bad it hurt?"**_

_**I screamed for it to stop.**_

_**"Stop what?" Israel hissed.**_

_**"I hope you know I'm coming back to claim what is mine."**_

**I stayed in the hospital for weeks, not letting any one in but Alberta and the doctor.**

**My 17th birthday was coming up, not that I cared.**

**My phone rang and I took it out.**

**"Hello?" I answered.**

**I only heard breathing on the other side of the line.**

**"Rosie, pretty little Rosie. Remember me?" the voice hissed.**

**My heart thumped against my chest.**

**"What do you want?" I asked him, my voice shaking with fear.**

**"You." Israel answered.**

**I screamed at the top of my lungs.**


	11. Willing Everything Away

**The phone fell out of my hands and dropped to the floor. **

**Someone burst into the room, but my mind was elsewhere.**

_**He ripped my clothes apart.**_

_**"What are we doing boss?" one of them asked.**_

_**Israel only stared at me.**_

_**"Let her freeze to death," he answered. They all left, walked away from the forest.**_

_**He came back though.**_

_**He traced my jaw.**_

_**"Such a waste," he whispered. He tightened up the rope around me, that connected me to the tree.**_

_**"No one's going to find you here," he whispered in my ear, making me shudder.**_

_**But someone did, they found me half naked, dying.**_

_**He picked me up and I tried not to flinch as we made contact.**_

_**"Thank you," I whispered to the man that carried me. He carried me to a car, laid me down with care.**_

_**"No problem Little Dhampir."**_

**He shook me.**

**"Roza, snap out of it," my eyes followed his voice and found his brown eyes.**

**I didn't say anything, just turned around in my chair and wheeled off.**

**"Roza!" he called out after me. I kept going though, faster and faster till I reached the living room where everybody was at.**

**I was out of breath. I felt like I was being suffocated.**

**I felt like there was no air, I felt the walls enclose me.**

**"What is it?" Alberta asked.**

**I was running out of air.**

**I was having a panic attack, and a fear attack.**

**What would he do when he found me?**

**Because he was going to find me.**

**What did he want now?**

**Did he think that I kept the baby?**

**Was that what he wanted, a protegee?**

**And what better then his own son...but.**

**It was dead.**

**I shivered at the thought of what he would do to me once he finds me.**

**"Rose, what is it?" my mother asked.**

**I looked up to meet her eyes, and hers grew bigger.**

**Did she see the fear in my eyes?**

**I was shaking with it, my veins vibrated with the fear of Israel.**

**My hands shook, and I put them together, trying to stop them.**

**"H-He's back," I whispered.**

**The realization of it, the words actually spoken out loud, made it all worst.**

**"Who?" Lissa asked.**

**I shut my eyes.**

**"No," I whispered.**

**"Who?" Dimitri asked.**

**"Israel," I said back.**

**Alberta and my mom gasped, knowing what I was talking about.**

**"What?" they asked.**

**I shook my head over and over again, willing his voice away, willing his face away, willing him away, willing the truth away; willing everything away.**


	12. Death

**Wow I was gone for a really long time... Sorry haha anyways, this story will be ending in 3-4 chapters!**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Nobody said anything, there was nothing to be said.**

**Israel was back and he wasn't going to stop unless he had me. Pure fear coursed through my body, the memories kept coming back, reminding me of my past.**

**I started hyperventaling, black spots dancing in mu vision.**

**"Stay with me, for now Roza," he was coaching me, trying to keep me awake.**

**And the sound of his beautiful voice was enough to do just that.**

**There was some sort of explosion, where somebody screamed, "Get her to safety!"**

**Get who to safety?**

**I hear his voice then, it was worse in person.**

**He was here, again.**

**Ready to destroy me, once more.**

**But I decided to let go of my fear.**

**I didn't want to die like that did I? No, I wanted to go down like the old Rose Hathaway that I was.**

**So with great strength I turned myself around.**

**Everything seemed to be broken.**

**"Still beautiful as ever, but you're not the reason as to why I'm here. Where's my son?" I wanted to laugh.**

**This was so sick and twisted, so out of proportion.**

**He was obsessed with me, sick bastard wasn't doing this to get back at Abe.**

**I was his property, property that got away.**

**"Dead," it was such a simple word, really.**

**But to me, it seemed like it took forever to say it.**

**I was no better than Israel was I? I took away the life of an innocent, one that didn't even get the chance to breathe.**

**Israel's facial expression showed he was pissed off, not that I cared.**

**He raised a gun at me, pointed right at my chest.**

**I wasn't scared, I welcomed death.**

**I would finally find some sort of peace.**

**Everybody froze, more if possible.**

**There were screams, demands, cries, and one name, 'Roza'. I looked at everyone in the room, knowing my fate.**

**I hoped they could see that I didn't mean to drive them away, and that I loved them, especially Lissa and Dimitri.**

**My mom was being held back by a guardian, Dimitri too, along with Lissa.**

**I heard it before I saw it, the gun being fired, but it seemed like forever before I felt it.**

**It hurt like a bitch.**

**It really did.**

**I heard more screams, screams that would break your heart, just by listening to them.**

**After that I saw nothing.**

**.**

**.**

**.**


	13. One Day

**I didn't expect to wake up, so imagine my surprise when I did?**

**I slowly opened my eyes, to find jade ones.**

**Lissa hugged me and I expected pain, but found none.**

**I stared at her in disbelief, "You healed me," I nodded, new tears shining in her eyes.**

**"Thank you," I whispered. I was sore, yes, but other than that I was brand new.**

**Really brand new...**

**I curled my toes, and frowned.**

**Curled my toes...**

**I moved my leg, actually moved it! I raised it and lowered it, doing the same with the other one.**

**I was breathing fast and hard, out of surprise.**

**A beep, going off.**

**But it wasn't alarming because no one burst in. I yanked the sheets off my body, exposing my legs.**

**Ever since the accident I refused to see them, I avoided looking at my legs.**

**But now, I really had to see this to believe it.**

**I set one foot on the cold floor, feeling the coldness.**

**I set down my other foot.**

**I grabbed the bed rail, supporting myself, and took a step.**

**It was a baby step, but it was a step.**

**Giggling made me look up, I stared at Lissa in wonder.**

**"I can walk!" I exclaimed the facts hitting me in the face.**

**"Yup," she said.**

**I laughed, it was a weird moment, yet it was wonderful.**

**I took another step, but did it wrong and slipped; I was going to fall hip first, and it was going to hurt, only it didn't.**

**Someone was there to catch me.**

**Dimitri.**

**I smiled at him, and for the first time he smiled at me, a real smile, not one of those dry ones.**

**At the moment I felt happy, something I haven't felt in a long time.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**"I'm sorry for the way I acted," Lissa apologized again.**

**I rolled my eyes, we weren't back at school, but at the beach house.**

**It felt nice to be able to walk and wear a bikini.**

**Dimitri had apologized too, for all he had said, and I had forgiven him.**

**Just like with Lissa.**

**"Its fine, sometimes your believes take over," she smiled at me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.**

**"I'm here Rose and I love you," she said.**

**"I do too."**

**She got up and skipped over to the beach.**

**Christian following her, like a lost puppy.**

**"Hey lost puppy!" I yelled.**

**He turned around, flipping me off.**

**I laughed.**

**"You and him seem to get along," I raised my sunglasses to the top of my head and turned to face Eddie.**

**"Guess so," I answered.**

**A few moments passed until I spoke, "I'm sorry Eddie, for Mase," I whispered.**

**He hugged me, pulling me closer to him.**

**"Not your fault. I understand now, don't blame yourself, not anymore. He wouldn't like it."**

**I found comfort in his words.**

**"One day I won't," I said.**

**One day I won't blame myself anymore for his death.**

**One day I will able to love completely.**

**One day I'll heal.**

**One day.**


	14. Away

**"Can I talk to you?"**

**I stopped on my tracks to face Abe.**

**I was skeptical, but decided it wouldn't harm me.**

**Not anymore.**

**I nodded and followed him. He led me to Eric's old office.**

**Entering it all over again brought childhood memories.**

_**"Noooo Eric stooop! It tickles!" I giggled and ran away from Daddy Eric.**_

_**"Awe come here Rosie Posie!" his booming laughter surrounded me.**_

_**"Grrr! Ima eat you!" he yelled, trying to scare me. I stopped and placed my hands on my hips.**_

_**"You don't scare me! Ha!" I yelled.**_

_**"I don't?" he asked and grabbed me.**_

_**"NOOO!" I yelled again.**_

_**He started tickling me.**_

_**"Okay, okay! You scare me!" I screamed. He laughed and Rhea came in.**_

_**"Leave Rose alone Eric," she scolded smiling down at me, handing me a doughnut.**_

**_"Love you foreverrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"_**

**"I wanted to apoligize for everything and wanted you to know everything I did was for your safety," Abe's words brought me back.**

**I nodded.**

**"We don't have to do this, I understand. I really do," I said.**

**And I did.**

**His job was dangerous, I've seen what it can do.**

**He smiled at me, "Good then."**

**We went on to talk about daughter and father stuff.**

**We talked, we laughed, and we smiled.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**We were about to go back to the academy, only having two days left.**

**I was kind of excited, now that I had my legs.**

**Dimitri had been teaching me. A lot.**

**I was almost... Perfect.**

**"Rose! Wait up!" I stopped my running and waited for Dimitri.**

**My heart started beating, faster now. My legs turned into jell-o.**

**The things he did.**

**"I need to tell you something," he said.**

**That didn't sound right.**

**"What is it?" I asked, worried.**

**"I wanted to tell you before someone else told you..."**

**"Tell me," I demanded.**

**"I'm leaving the academy."**

**Say what?**

**"Say what?" I asked.**

**No, this wasn't possible.**

**Things were finally getting to be okay...**

**"I'm leaving the academy, getting a post at court," he had on his guardian mask.**

**"Why?" I whispered.**

**He didn't look at me.**

**"This, whatever we have, can't go on. Please understand why I'm doing this," he begged me to understand.**

**But I didn't.**

**I couldn't.**

**So I lied, kinda.**

**"Okay, I'll try."**

**He took a step forward.**

**"I leave today," he whispered.**

**A tear leaked from my eye and he wiped it away.**

**"I love you," he whispered.**

**"As I love you."**

**He kissed my forehead, his forehead lingering there for longer.**

**I closed my eyes, to cherish the moment.**

**I felt his presence leave, leaving me empty.**

**I opened my eyes to see him walking away.**

**Away from my life.**

**From me.**


	15. Heaven

**(One year later)**

**"Wooh! Ready to go to court?" Lissa was really excited.**

**It wasn't normal.**

**I laighed at her enthusiasm.**

**"Of course!" I exclamied.**

**She detected my sarcasm and called me out for it.**

**I rolled my eyes and went back to sleep.**

**My nightmare were there, like always.**

**But it was different.**

**I would think of Dimitri and it would vanish, so instead I dreamt of him.**

**Dimitri Belikov, the man who stole my heart.**

**I didn't really expect to see him at court, it'd been a year, with no contact.**

**I graduated top at my class, with the highest scores ever.**

**I stepped down the airplane, sunglasses on. The sun was just setting down.**

**A very expensive limo was waiting for us... and a man.**

**I gasped in shock at who it was.**

**I stepped closer.**

**"Its you!" I exclaimed.**

**I heard people behind me ask what was wrong, but I ignored them and focused on the Moroi in front of me.**

**He was tall, and a little muscular, which was odd. He royal, an Ivashkov by the emerald eyes, messy hair, and handsome.**

**"Little Dhampir," he called out, with a grin plastered on his face.**

**"I forgot to tell you that nigh; thank you for saving my life," I embraced him, giving him a kiss on the cheek.**

**"Rose, what's going on?" Eddie asked, Lissa wobbling her head in agreement.**

**"In front of you is the man who saved my life. He rescued me from Israel the first time," I said, a smile on my face.**

**"What's your name?" I asked.**

**I knew he was a spirit user, he'd worked on me, but I never got to ask his name.**

**Technicalities. Technicalities.**

**"Adrian Ivashkov, at your service," he bowed down and kissed my hand. **

**"Don't flirt with me," we got into the limo laughing.**

**"Can't promise anything."**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**I was at the balcony garden. It was beautiful, full with roses and flowers.**

**I inhaled the scent.**

**And smelled something or someone I hadn't in a year. I closed my eyes.**

**I was imagining it. I had to.**

**I felt him behind me, he wrapped his arms around my waist, resting his chin on my shoulder.**

**"I've missed you," he whispered right in my ear. Sending shivers down my spine.**

**"I can feel your heart beat," he chuckled. I giggled.**

**"I thought for a moment you'd left," I said, my voice quivering. He tightened his grip on me.**

**"Never," his words so reassuring. I knew everything would be okay if I was with him. He was an open book to me, as I was to him.**

**I turned aroun, so I was facing him.**

**"You're so beautiful it hurts me sometimes," he bent down and our lips met.**

**It was pure heaven. His touch sent electricity through my body. Tingling my toes, warming my whole body, even my heart. **

**"I love you Dimitri."**

**"I love you Roza."**

**Right then, at the moment with Dimitri I was truly happy.**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**Finito!**

**Review as always and I hope you enjoyed this as much as I did :)**

**Any questions? Lol**


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